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Old 04-06-2011, 09:42
mom4them's Avatar
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Default Sister INL stepping on my toes...

So about 4 years ago when I started making bows I showed my SIL. It was no biggie because I live in Kansas and she lives in California. Our bows are completely different. Mine well many of you have seen my work and hers... to say it nicely they are... ok. She has even gotten to the point she has been buying my bows (at a discount) Well just got the news that they are moving... Yep right to Kansas.. They are not even here and she is dropping hints.. Oh I can't wait to make bows with you and Now I can go to the shows with you.. So does she think she is going to sell her bows to my customers.. NOT!!! and to top it off last night she left a massage on my bow page on facebook that says she can't wait to learn how to make my clay centers.. Does she really think I am going to let her in... this is my business.. Not just a hobby.. This is how I feed my kids.. buy their closthes... I am about ready to BURST... Do I say it nicely or just step back and when she says something direct her in a different direction..

Come on ladies.. I love her when we lived in Cali we were best friends.. But we have seen each other in four years..
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Old 04-06-2011, 09:45
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Default Re: Sister INL stepping on my toes...

I would be frank with her. She has no reason to get mad, that doesn't mean she won't. I really wish with my ILs I had been more forth coming with my expectations of them and the relationship and now it is one big mess. I really don't get how everyone expects to be taught what we do, family and strangers alike. They wouldn't walk into a kitchen and ask for recipes. They just buy the food off of the menu and are happy with it. Why is this any different?
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Old 04-06-2011, 09:47
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Default Re: Sister INL stepping on my toes...

Quote:
Originally Posted by mom4them View Post
So about 4 years ago when I started making bows I showed my SIL. It was no biggie because I live in Kansas and she lives in California. Our bows are completely different. Mine well many of you have seen my work and hers... to say it nicely they are... ok. She has even gotten to the point she has been buying my bows (at a discount) Well just got the news that they are moving... Yep right to Kansas.. They are not even here and she is dropping hints.. Oh I can't wait to make bows with you and Now I can go to the shows with you.. So does she think she is going to sell her bows to my customers.. NOT!!! and to top it off last night she left a massage on my bow page on facebook that says she can't wait to learn how to make my clay centers.. Does she really think I am going to let her in... this is my business.. Not just a hobby.. This is how I feed my kids.. buy their closthes... I am about ready to BURST... Do I say it nicely or just step back and when she says something direct her in a different direction..

Come on ladies.. I love her when we lived in Cali we were best friends.. But we have seen each other in four years..
wow. That stinks! Maybe she wants to help you? Maybe I'm just being positive
Just tell her that you do this as your business & you don't have time to "teach" her how to do it. Maybe say that it took you a long time to research how to make bows & clay centers, so it's not somethign that she could just "pick up".
??
Hope it works out.
BTW. What part of KS are you in? I'm in Shawnee
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Old 04-06-2011, 09:49
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Default Re: Sister INL stepping on my toes...

Man... you are in a awkward position. I would tell her just what you told us. Maybe tell her that the bow competition is already difficult and would love to share ideas maybe, but don't really want to share venues. If she wants to make the centers let her learn like you did.... the learning curve. I guess probably you should stop discounting to her too... Good luck.. I just have a bad arguement with my best SIL and we are not speaking. But I am OK with it
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Old 04-06-2011, 09:52
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Default Re: Sister INL stepping on my toes...

wow! I wouldn't want to be in your situation. It's so hard to deal with family in situations such as this. I would def nip it in the butt asap. If not you may snap later... I wish you luck though..
My dad always said, "family will screw you over before anyone else.." pardon my French.

BTW: Even if you were still close, you owe her nothing! Would she be willing to give you half her salary?
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Old 04-06-2011, 10:33
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Default Re: Sister INL stepping on my toes...

I think it is definately your decision. But is there a possiblity that together you could grow your business even more. Maybe set up in stores ect... She could do some of the stores ect... I would probably tell her you would like to stick to certain specialties like the clay center. But maybe she is good, or could get good at something you don't like to do like korkers or headbands. Just a thought. I actually think I would love to have someone to do it with. It's hard for just me to do enough to stock all the places I have now. But I also work full time.

I guess just another point of view.
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Old 04-06-2011, 10:35
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Default Re: Sister INL stepping on my toes...

You need to be up front with her BEFORE she moves... you need to tell her, this is not a hoppy, this is MY BUSINESS, I cant just go around shoeing you what I do... The shoes are mine, this is where I feed my kids. Please not have this expectation that I can shoe you how I run my business....

Something like that, but get it in her head BEFORE she comes...
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Old 04-06-2011, 12:29
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Default Re: Sister INL stepping on my toes...

Sweetapple I just moved from Lenexa to Kcmo... Nice to know we have friends so close.
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Old 04-06-2011, 01:02
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Default Re: Sister INL stepping on my toes...

I see why you but be upset but if it were me I would feel different. My business is in full boom. I sell to several boutiques, farmers market once a week for 6 months of the year, Etsy shop, over 200 tutus for dance recital once a year and all the local orders I get. All of this is done by me with 0% marketing. If I had the time to take pictures of every single custom order I make I would be selling even more not to mention if I spent a little time marketing. I've been thinking of getting a assistant but I feel I'm too trusting and I know how that could end. If my sil wanted to partner up with me I would beyond happy. Since it is my business I would hire her as a assistant.
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Old 04-06-2011, 01:10
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Default Re: Sister INL stepping on my toes...

very good point! You could say all of what everyone else has ..but that you could use help or an assistant..I've been thru this w/3 different people. 1 family and 2 friends but the friends are like family. I ended up having to be rude and now things are awkward between us. I'd just tell her it is a business and it's probably best to keep biz and family seperate..unless you are willing to hire her for an assistant at yours shows and so on.....best of luck..it sucks when people put you on the spot!

Quote:
Originally Posted by ydelaney View Post
I see why you but be upset but if it were me I would feel different. My business is in full boom. I sell to several boutiques, farmers market once a week for 6 months of the year, Etsy shop, over 200 tutus for dance recital once a year and all the local orders I get. All of this is done by me with 0% marketing. If I had the time to take pictures of every single custom order I make I would be selling even more not to mention if I spent a little time marketing. I've been thinking of getting a assistant but I feel I'm too trusting and I know how that could end. If my sil wanted to partner up with me I would beyond happy. Since it is my business I would hire her as a assistant.
Yvonne
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