I would be frank with her. She has no reason to get mad, that doesn't mean she won't. I really wish with my ILs I had been more forth coming with my expectations of them and the relationship and now it is one big mess.
I really don't get how everyone expects to be taught what we do, family and strangers alike. They wouldn't walk into a kitchen and ask for recipes. They just buy the food off of the menu and are happy with it. Why is this any different?
There is a grave difference between supporting the war effort and those in uniform. If you do not stand behind our troops, feel free to stand in front of them.
Also, it has been 147+ days since I have seen my DH, so don't expect me to be all rainbows and sunshine when you are being stupid. Oh, let us not forget the glitter.